death, sex and sovereignty

The dead speak to us through music, animals and insects, nature and the non/pre verbal realms of our body. If you’re exhausted and inspired right now — it makes sense.

We’ve been traumatized, it’s true. And, it’s intense.

Something I’ve learned in recovery over the past 13 years is the power of the counter-action. To do the opposite of what the habit or trauma pattern tells me to do. No more pretending. No more forcing connection when what’s really needed is stillness. And no more disappearing when what’s really needed is to be seen.

 Sometimes we need to hide — to cocoon, to let the silence hold us — especially in Scorpio season when the underworld is closer than ever.
But many of us isolate far more than what’s actually supportive.

So the practice becomes finding the right kind of space — space inside connection.
Letting ourselves be witnessed while we rest, feel, process, grieve.

Because fear, anxiety, and overwhelm grow in the dark corners of disconnection.
And they soften in the light of presence — ours and each other’s.

{We have a fire ceremony on the full moon this Tuesday on all things Taurus and Scorpio polarity 9a PST join us it helps!}

When things get heavy, we can either make it mean something’s “wrong” with us which is a strong current… or we can let it move us deeper into the listening we’ve been avoiding. Exhaustion is a doorway — an invitation to meet the Dark Mother that is your body. The subconscious speaking through behaviors, sensations, emotions, images.

It’s not the fault of the part of you that has been victimized.
But it is up to you now — to become your fiercest advocate, your most present lover. I know how hard it can be to pause long enough to get current and clear within myself.

 Some women turn to HRT when they experience changes or fluctuations in their sex drive. Recently, The New York Timesran an article on testosterone, and one woman said that a single somatic healing session—focused on her sex drive, lubrication, and energy—did what T did for her. I can confirm. 

There’s no controlling the body—nor do we actually want to, despite being conditioned to. The body isn’t a project to fix; she’s an intelligent ecosystem that remembers everything.

When we’ve lived in long-term freeze or collapse—what’s called dorsal vagal dominance—our erotic energy, creativity, and capacity for connection go dormant. Not because they’re broken, but because the system doesn’t yet feel safe enough to let energy flow.

When that freeze starts to thaw, the first waves that surface are often grief and rage. These sympathetic energies—fight and flight—are the body’s way of reawakening. It can feel messy, like you’re doing it wrong, but you’re not. This is what regulation looks like in motion. The work is to stay with the sensations, not to collapse back into the familiar shutdown or run toward quick-fix solutions. 

This work is never about perfection it is about being a lover.

We’re also bound in a culture that has brainwashed us to numb instead of connect. Which keeps shame intact. Shame can only lie in isolation. We've been trained to  override our own truth in the name of “normal," when the truth is our body including our yoni is an oracle. An intelligence.  

We are conditioned to dissociate from the body instead of be in conversation with it. There are layers of shame to unravel here—shame born from twisted moral values, often preached by the very authorities who don’t live by them. Many of those same systems have perpetuated abuse, control, and silence around the erotic, emotional, and relational.

Most of us were never taught how to move the energy of lust, desire, or attraction—especially when it shows up outside of a partnership. We were taught to suppress, to moralize, to fear it. Which inevitably comes out in some way. Rarely were we taught how to bring awareness and movement to that energy so it doesn’t turn into confusion, guilt, or betrayal.

We hide from God when we are going through hard things instead of tuning in to Her through the body to support hte rebirth that is occurring.

And generally speaking, we have almost zero ability or modeling around how to communicate our inner experience. We don’t have the skills to approach difficult truths—because what looks like a “sex issue” is often emotional congestion, all that’s been left unsaid, unseen, unfelt.

This is where somatic tools and skills come in. Learning how to use breath, sound, movement, ritual, examples and exercises and even toys consciously—how to “build” arousal and ejaculation with consent and mapping practices rather than chase it—rewires the system from performance in relationship into presence. In opening both people to sit with the discomfort so you don't have to be alone in it. We can learn to be turned on by what arises and what we "don't" like (surprise some part of us already is or at least feels safer there weirdly that's why it's happening.). We learn to track our own thresholds, to feel without forcing, to cultivate pleasure and safety at the same time.

In somatic sex education, this might look like practicing gentle self-mapping, exploring the urethral sponge (what Deborah Sundahl called the “G-spot”), or learning how to cycle energy through the body instead of staying trapped in the pelvis or mind. These practices reconnect us to our own erotic intelligence and emotional regulation.

The truth is, you don’t need to feel bad for not “getting there,” and you also don’t need to pretend you don’t care. There’s a middle ground where you get to stay curious, embodied, and sovereign—where orgasm, ejaculation, and pleasure are not the goal, but the natural side effect of coming home to your body.

That’s real sexual healing. Not fixing or performing—listening, building, reclaiming, and remembering what was always yours. 

Here for you and join us for two free days of education and support November 11th and 12th!